


Do you remember?

by moonlightdancer



Series: Jason and Peter moments [6]
Category: bare: A Pop Opera - Hartmere/Intrabartolo
Genre: Alternate Ending, Happy Ending, Heartache, Hurt, Internal Monologue, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:07:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27133609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlightdancer/pseuds/moonlightdancer
Summary: Alternate ending to Bare, in which Jason doesn't die.The morning after the ill-fated premiere, Peter goes to visit an unconcious Jason in hospital.
Relationships: Jason McConnell/Peter Simmonds
Series: Jason and Peter moments [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1322447
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	Do you remember?

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a while ago, because I was really upset with how the story ended. I just can't cope with sad endings...there's enough sorrow in the world as it is - so let's have some happy endings!
> 
> I hope you like it.

* * *

Peter woke up with a start, drenched in sweat. It was still dark outside, with only a slight glow on the horizon announcing the day. He felt disoriented and his chest as constricted as if there was a heavy weight pressing down on it. Very slowly it all came back to him, what had happened.

The funeral hadn't been real, it had been just a bad dream. Jason was alive, just barely. The amount of drugs he'd taken had stopped his heart and he'd collapsed on stage, during the premiere of the play. His heart had stopped and he'd crumpled to the floor like a discarded rag doll. His lovely Jason. Not breathing, white as a sheet.

Peter pressed the balls of his hands to his eyes to stop the tears already beginning to pool in his eyes again. He took a deep ragged breath and sat up in Jason's bed, where he'd crawled under the blanket the night before, exhausted from crying. He'd hoped holding onto Jason that way – inhaling his scent, clinging to the blanket they had shared nearly every night for the last year. For a couple of minutes Peter just sat there, not moving, holding his breath, as if that might stop the emotions welling up inside of him. But it didn't help. Of course it didn't.

Peter kept replaying the dreadful moment when he'd finally realised what was going on. During the first couple of scenes of the play, he'd of course noticed that Jason was acting as if in a daze and guessed he'd taken something, he had even been angry at Jason for flying. But when he'd rushed to Jason's lifeless form on the floor all he could think of was how much he still loved him and that it was all his fault. If he hadn't insisted on coming out, hadn't tried to move on...

They had been able to restart Jason's heart, but he was still in hospital in intensive care, unconscious.

That dreadful moment, Jason falling, dead in his arms.

Peter had prayed fervently, silently, had promised everything he could think of, promised to never ask things of Jason that would make him feel put under pressure, everything – if only God would bring him back. He'd been so scared – he still was. The doctor had said it was touch and go if Jason would pull through – it all depended on his will to live.

Peter hugged his knees to his chest, his thoughts were spinning again and he was crying freely now.

_It's all my fault. If only I hadn't pushed him away. If only I had run away with him. If I had had more patience. I should have given him time. Instead I drove him to this. Will he ever love me again, if he wakes up? I don't care - yes, I do. But I just want him to wake up, oh, please God. I'll go to the hospital and sit by his side, forever if necessary. No matter what the rest of the world thinks. Everyone knows by now anyway, probably. I don't care. I can't believe that I ever cared.  
_

After a while, feeling empty and spent after crying for so long, Peter slowly pulled his sweat-sticky t-shirt over his head and with sudden vehemence threw it in a corner. Jason had loved him, had loved his slim body, had touched him so passionately and so gently. Once upon a time. He couldn't bear to think about it.

Peter dressed like a sleepwalker, put on a clean shirt and the tight, dark-red jeans Jason had always liked on him, staring out into the faint light of dawn, wanting to go and not wanting to go at the same time.

*

An hour later, the sun had finally crawled over the horizon and early morning light shone gently onto the two boys in the hospital room.

Thankfully, Jason's parents had already left for their hotel late the previous evening. And Nadia was nowhere to be seen. She had probably gone to catch a few hours of sleep as well, though probably not willingly, Peter guessed.

Jason lay under the sheets, his face still as white as the wall. Peter had never seen his face as expressionless as now, not in all the years he had known him, not even when Jason was asleep. And it scared Peter like hell. He sat next to the bed on the edge of the chair, holding Jason's hands in both of his, watching Jason's shallow breathing as if he could will him to keep on breathing just by concentrating hard enough.

“Jason,” Peter whispered. “Jason. Don't leave me, please! Come back. There's so much to live for. We'll sort this mess out, we'll make it work. I know we will. Because I still love you. I love you so much...I...oh, Jason, please...”

Peter had started crying again and rested his forehead on the bed, drawing deep breaths to calm down again.

“Do you remember?” he asked quietly, looking up from the sheets. “How we met, when I came to Saint Cecilia's? You just said “Hi” and smiled. You always had the most wonderful smile in the whole world. And I just stood there like an idiot and couldn't find any words...”

“Do you remember? ...The games we played – hide and seek in our room after lights out? We were giggling like little kids all the time. And the night you bumped into me trying to change your hiding place. Do you remember how you grabbed my sweater and pulled me close to you? And how you kissed me? That first kiss. It felt like forever and it felt so right. I knew from that moment that I'd always love you. Always.”

He very gently and very slowly stroked Jason's fingers with his fingertips.

“Your kiss opened a new world for me. I had never kissed like that before. You kissed me so slowly and I could smell you and feel you so, so close to me. I held you so tightly. I was afraid if I let you go, you'd pull away and say it was all a mistake. But you didn't. We stood there half the night... I wanted that moment to last forever. And then we ended up making love in your bed. That was the first time you said “Forever you and I” to me. It was the most beautiful moment for me. Was it the same for you?”

“And do you remember that time I was sick and you stayed with me instead of going out with the others, saying you didn't feel well either? You sat next to me in my bed the whole evening and read to me and stroked my hair. The book you had picked was awfully boring, but I didn't mind. I didn't even mind being sick, because you made me feel so special. And that time we ducked into the empty classroom and kissed and made out in broad daylight and nearly got caught by Sister Chantelle? And do you remember that one time when I picked a wild flower and gave it to you and you said I was a hopelessly romantic idiot, but then you kept it in a glass of water next to your bed for a week?”

Peter couldn't help but smile a little at the memories, even though they felt bitter-sweet now.

“When you wake up, will you remember how you still say “Forever you and I” when you snuggle up to me in bed before going to sleep? And the rave? How we danced together really, really close, out in the open? How you said I was amazing and you loved me. You never say that when we're not alone! Do you remember saying loving me was the one real thing? Did you even mean that, truly? Or were you starting to go already?”

Peter's voice had had gotten smaller and smaller. Every beautiful, cherished memory, all those moments felt like they burned in his heart. And it still might all end here, forever, in this white room. He closed his eyes.

“Do you remember, Jason, how much I love you?”

“Yes,” a faint voice replied.

Peter's head snapped back up from where it had rested on the bed, next to Jason's hand. His red-rimmed, puffy eyes met Jason's blue ones, which had fixated on Peter's face as if they never wanted to let him go again.

With a half-choked cry of joy, Peter swiftly climbed onto the bed and pulled Jason into his arms. “Jason, oh my God, Jason.”

Jason buried his face against Peter's neck and whispered: “I'm so sorry.” But Peter just shook his head.

“You're back, you're back. I thought I'd lost you. I'm so sorry, too! I never should have...” He broke off and cried with his face pressed to Jason's shoulder, clinging to him as if for dear life. When he finally let go, Jason smiled slightly.

“Hi.”

Just like that first day.

“Hi”, Peter replied.

They sat for a long time, not talking, just holding hands, caressing each other's face and arms as if to make sure it wasn't a dream.

Finally, Jason said very quietly:

“I love you, Peter.”


End file.
